An Old one....

I wrote this shortly after C was born. A lot of you have seen this one, but many have not.





I used to be a very superficial person. I used to think that my character was based upon the things I had, rather than the things I am. After having children, I understood that my life is not worth less than the person with the brand new car, huge house, or several flat screen TV’s. I may not have all of that but I do have a loving family, fabulous children, a wonderful husband and a roof over my head.

On February 22nd, 2005 I gave birth to an angel. She was born a when I was 20 weeks pregnant, a loss due to an incompetent cervix. My body literally failed me. I had a tremendous amount of guilt over something I had no control over. I did nothing to make my cervix incompetent, nothing to make me dilate to 3 cm and my water to break. It took a long time before I truly believed that. 6 months later, we found out we were pregnant again. With twins. While I was immensely happy, I was scared out of my mind. My cervix cannot support the weight of one growing baby, how was it supposed to support TWO? Thanks to a little miracle procedure called a cervical cerclage, I carried my twins to 36 weeks. They were both very breech and born via c-section weighing 7lbs 3oz and 7lbs 6oz. My body made me very proud.

Then, I discovered the joy of having “twin skin”. This is the hanging belly of extra skin. The consistency of bread dough. I could actually kneed it. But my body made me proud.

When my twins were 15 months old, I found out I was pregnant again. We had planned this pregnancy, but didn’t expect it to happen so soon. Again, I had a cervical cerclage placed. Who would have thought I would go to 39 weeks and deliver a 9lb 10oz baby girl? Again, my body made me proud.

Our final baby was born on the 3 year anniversary of our first baby’s death. February, 22nd 2008. Our family has come full circle. What was once a very sad day, has become a joyful one.

Society in general is very superficial. Things matter, looks matter, clothing size determines your worth as a person. I hate this. The stereotype that a fat person is unclean, lazy, stupid, etc really makes me angry. I am overweight. I have been my whole life. I am not unclean, I am not lazy (I have 3 kids under 3, I cant be lazy), and I am far from stupid. I hope to raise my children to be loving, caring, and compassionate members of society. I don’t want them to grow up thinking that one needs to have a $900 handbag in order to be successful. Simply untrue.

I am a mother, a wife, a lover, a teacher, a cook, a daughter, a sister, an accountant, a maid, an entertainer, a comedienne, a taxi, a personal shopper, a story reader and a boo boo kisser. But most importantly, I am ME. My body makes me proud.