Apparently....

some people think that I do not love my children because I vent about life as a mother. The purpose of this blog was to show other mothers that they are totally normal for wanting to run away. I just have balls enough to say it out loud. Parenting is not easy. At all. Not one second of it. Even life with the most well behaved, abnormal child is not easy.

I love my children more than anything else in this world. I do not regret having them. I would not change it for anything. That does not mean that I am not entitled to bad days, that I am not allowed to vent, cry, or go a little crazy.

Think about this - you love your husband. I can promise you that he drives you crazy sometimes too. It is the same thing.

Please don't pass judgment on me because of the things I write. You either don't have children or have perfect little robot spawn who don't do a single thing wrong and don't make you a little nutty. My honesty about life with small children is not meant to be hurtful to them (and I don't think for one minute it is). I plan on sharing all of this with them when they have kids so they can see that it is totally normal.

My kids have made me cry, scream, yell, and love like I never thought possible. And I am willing to bet yours did too.

If I did not vent about my crazy little world, I would probably pull a Thelma and Louise. But just Thelma, I don't have a Louise.

If you don't like what I write, don't read it. See that little "X" in the upper right corner of your screen? Click that. It will make me go away. Simple.

For those who enjoy my rants, thank you for reading.

Revolution

I am certain that my children are close to starting a revolution. They are out to get me. Their main goal in life lately seems to be to break me.

G&R have been so unbelievably naughty lately that I can only stare at them with my jaw on the floor thinking to myself that somehow, they have become possessed by Satan and need an exorcism. I even thought maybe I should go get a big bucket, just in case projectile pea soup vomit flew out of their little spinning heads.

We all took C to the doctor this morning for her Well Child visit. I am so very thankful that the doctor has very young children. He totally gets why I look like I have been run over by a train. G&R would not stop touching things. The would not stop moving for 5 minutes. I felt like I was in a racquetball court and they were the racquet balls, bouncing off of the walls, threatening to put out my eye.

G decided at 7:30am that he needed to go pee. Does he go in the bathroom? Nope. He opens the door, goes outside and uses a tree. I am cursing the day he was ever taught how to pee outside.

I went to McDonald's to buy them lunch at 10:30 this morning. We went to the car wash. We drove around and wasted gas. Why? They were firmly strapped into car seats and semi controlled. I turn the radio loud enough so I didn't hear the fighting, the "mom, mom, mom, mama, mother, mom, mom, mom" and I don't feel one ounce of guilt. In the 4 hours they have been awake I have done nothing but chase them, discipline them, scold them, entertain them, clean ketchup off of the walls, pee off of the bathroom floor, told G no less than 87 times to leave the air conditioner ON.....I am tired. I will not let them win. What they don't know is that they cannot and will not break me.

Someone please tell me that I do not go through this for nothing. Please tell me that they will take care of me when I can no longer wipe my own butt, that they will call me every Sunday to check in, that they will give me lots of grandbabies so that when they call me up crying because their kids are being heathens, I can calmly say - Payback is a bitch.

An Old one....

I wrote this shortly after C was born. A lot of you have seen this one, but many have not.





I used to be a very superficial person. I used to think that my character was based upon the things I had, rather than the things I am. After having children, I understood that my life is not worth less than the person with the brand new car, huge house, or several flat screen TV’s. I may not have all of that but I do have a loving family, fabulous children, a wonderful husband and a roof over my head.

On February 22nd, 2005 I gave birth to an angel. She was born a when I was 20 weeks pregnant, a loss due to an incompetent cervix. My body literally failed me. I had a tremendous amount of guilt over something I had no control over. I did nothing to make my cervix incompetent, nothing to make me dilate to 3 cm and my water to break. It took a long time before I truly believed that. 6 months later, we found out we were pregnant again. With twins. While I was immensely happy, I was scared out of my mind. My cervix cannot support the weight of one growing baby, how was it supposed to support TWO? Thanks to a little miracle procedure called a cervical cerclage, I carried my twins to 36 weeks. They were both very breech and born via c-section weighing 7lbs 3oz and 7lbs 6oz. My body made me very proud.

Then, I discovered the joy of having “twin skin”. This is the hanging belly of extra skin. The consistency of bread dough. I could actually kneed it. But my body made me proud.

When my twins were 15 months old, I found out I was pregnant again. We had planned this pregnancy, but didn’t expect it to happen so soon. Again, I had a cervical cerclage placed. Who would have thought I would go to 39 weeks and deliver a 9lb 10oz baby girl? Again, my body made me proud.

Our final baby was born on the 3 year anniversary of our first baby’s death. February, 22nd 2008. Our family has come full circle. What was once a very sad day, has become a joyful one.

Society in general is very superficial. Things matter, looks matter, clothing size determines your worth as a person. I hate this. The stereotype that a fat person is unclean, lazy, stupid, etc really makes me angry. I am overweight. I have been my whole life. I am not unclean, I am not lazy (I have 3 kids under 3, I cant be lazy), and I am far from stupid. I hope to raise my children to be loving, caring, and compassionate members of society. I don’t want them to grow up thinking that one needs to have a $900 handbag in order to be successful. Simply untrue.

I am a mother, a wife, a lover, a teacher, a cook, a daughter, a sister, an accountant, a maid, an entertainer, a comedienne, a taxi, a personal shopper, a story reader and a boo boo kisser. But most importantly, I am ME. My body makes me proud.

They Didn't Tell Me....

When I was pregnant, my loved ones and friends who already had children neglected to tell me a few minor details. They were very forthcoming with "ooohhhs" and "ahhhhs" and "Damn, you are huge!" comments, generous with gifts and advice - some of which, had I used, would have had CPS called on me. Seriously, rub a spoon on a teething baby's gums to break the skin???? Why don't I just stab them with it while I am at it.

No one mentioned that I would be changing Rotovirus diapers in the bathtub, no one told me that my son would sneeze snot rockets onto his toast and tell me that he "buttered" it. Sure, I knew that there would be dirt, mud, snot, grossness, but the specifics I had no idea about.

It was never mentioned that it would be possible for my son to have a seizure, turn blue, call 911 and scream "I need and ambulance" just like those dumb women I used to laugh at on TV did, ride to the hospital while holding a 15 month old sick little boy, watch his be poked, prodded, catheterized, and not shed one single tear. I was calm and collected. Until we got home.

No one told me that I would drag my 3 year olds to the back door, and stand in the pouring rain just to show them that it is not going to hurt them so that they would stop screaming and go to sleep.

I was not made aware of Post Partum Depression until I packed a bag and damn near left my newborn twins and husband because I was afraid I would throw them out of the window.

It was never mentioned the amount of love I had the capacity to have and give. Nobody told me that my eyes would be opened to things that I took for granted before kids. The wonder of frogs, worms, mud puddles. The happiness that a simple hug can bring.

I am fairly sure that if people had told me all of the bad things about having kids, I never would have had them. And I would never have known the joy they bring.