Mommy Time Out

I wasn't born to be a mother. I never had life long dreams of being a mommy. No fantasies of a huge white wedding and a knight in shining amour to take me away....I never planned on being barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen. That's not to say that I did not want children. I did. Im just not a natural mother. I am not Zen. I am severely lacking in the patience department. I dont do "baby talk". I am not the mother you see on 7th Heaven....I am not Maggie Seaver, June Cleaver, Lorraine McFly, Claire Huxtable or Kitty Foreman. I am more of the....Sofia Petrillo, Joy Turner, Edina Monsoon, Lois from Malcom in the Middle, with a wee bit of Bree VanDeCamp mixed in. Crazy, sarcastic, loud, OCD-ish, tired, exhausted, overbearing....fiercely loving mother.

I need time for ME. I am not a mother first, I am Sarah first.

This week has been Hell. Between Cora's diarrhea, Gavin's attitude and physical abuse and Rachel's inability to do anything on her own, I had had it. Today my son slapped me across the face, Gavin and Rachel fought like cats and dogs. I had one or the other saying "mom, Gavin/Rachel hit me" at least every 37 seconds. It got to the point that I said, "I don't care anymore, hit him/her back" (Nominating myself for mom of the year). Cora did nothing but scream and cry and throw herself on the floor today.

Bill gets home at 6pm. At about 5 pm, after hours of asking them to please pick up their toys (something they are perfectly capable of doing) to no avail, I took their toys away. That sent them into a fit of epic proportions. After 30 minutes of screaming and crying I told them I was leaving when their daddy got home. And that I was not coming back. The minute I said it, I regretted it. Who says that to their children? (so, do I get that award yet?) Of course that did not make them happy. They kept saying "I need you mom" and " don't go mom"...but I left. I watched their crying faces in the window as I backed out. I did not wave, I did not honk like normal. I just left. No goodbye, no hugs and kisses (something I am usually a stickler about). I left my children brokenhearted.

I needed a Mommy Time Out (Term coined by JoAnn)....I went to Arby's, ate my dinner in the parking lot, cried a little, went shopping and drove the long way home.

When I got home, they forgave me. The thing about young children is that their love really is unconditional. They love you when you yell, they love you when you wont let them play outside in the rain, they love you when you wont make meatballs for lunch or when you take their toys away. Even if they say they hate you (we are not there yet!) they still love you.

I had a talk with them about responsibilities (yes, I am aware that they are only 3.5, but they do know how to pick up toys and make their beds.) and about being nice. They seemed receptive, but I know better. Tomorrow, I am going to teach them to tell me when I need a time out. Sometimes they sense I am getting too frustrated before I do. Because I have a feeling......

Mommy is going to need a lot more time outs.