Speech Impediment

I was in the kitchen and I overhear this delightful exchange -


Rachel - Gavin, be a bitch.
Gavin - I am a bitch.
Rachel - no, go over there and be a bitch.
Gavin - I will be a bitch.
Rachel - Be a bitch!!!
Gavin - I am a bitch!!
Rachel - The bitch needa go potty.
Gavin - Go potty bitch.

My eyes got wide and I frantically try to figure out where they got this stuff. I generally do not swear when they are in earshot.

I looked around the corner - They were pretending to be BRIDGES. Bitch = Bridge.

Damn speech impediments.

The Donut/Doughnut Incident

Last night Bill went to the store to get some milk. I wanted a donut. ONE donut. He brings back a six. Great. They will go stale before they all get eaten as we are not really donut (doughnut) people.

So I ate my one doughnut (donut) and put the box on the stove. I got up to go to bed and said, "hide those donuts before you come in". Ok.

This morning Gavin gets up at 6:30. Bill put him on the couch and came in and told me Gavin was sleeping on the couch and that he was leaving for work. Ok. (Y'all see right where I am going, right?)

I got up.

Gavin was sitting on the couch eating a glazed donut. On his face he had powdered sugar, red filling, a couple of peanuts.

Me - "Gavin, whatcha eating?"
G - Doughnuts
Me - How many have you had.
G - 91
Me - *chuckles*

I go into the kitchen and notice the box on the stove is empty. :shock: Then I look at the table - one donut on a plate at Rachel's spot. Gavin had eaten FOUR doughnuts. FOUR. Not 4 donut holes, FOUR big ass donuts. Some frosted and sprinkled, some glazed, some filled with raspberry sugar goo. *sigh*

Me - Gavin, are you going to eat this one too?
G - No, that is for Rachel
Me - What about Cora?
G - Cora is too little for doughnuts.
Me - *eye roll*

So anyway, after breakfast...about 45 minutes after, Gavin loses all control of his behavior. Throwing things, hitting, biting, pushing, screaming oh screaming, hitting me, throwing things at my head, jumping on the couch, jumping on his sisters.....I thought he had gone mad. He has been VERY good the last few days, sleeping better, etc.

I spent the morning fighting some sort of Poltergeist of a child. Add to that a teething 18mo and it was disastrous.

Finally it was nap time. All three children went into bed, laid down, and fell asleep within seconds. That NEVER happens. Ever. Never ever.

It wasn't until I went to take a nap myself that I had the mother of all light bulb moments. The (*(&^*&%#$ donuts!!! He had been on a sugar high the size of West Virginia. No wonder he was some sort of crazy ass mad man. Nap time was easy because he crashed.

So, moral of the story is - hide your damn donuts!!

Absent

I need to apologize for my blogger absence. Sorry. I'd like to say that it was because my children were perfectly behaved angels, but alas, not so.

Today, we had our first experience with road rage. We had just picked up lunch and were heading home and some ass cut me off. So, I did what came naturally to me. I called him a dick. My son, who is sitting 800 feet behind me in the back of the van asks, "What is a dick?" I did what any good parent would do.

I lied.

I told him that his name was Richard and Dick is a nickname for Richard. Thankfully, he seemed to accept this and carried on asking me how I knew his name, why he almost hit me, and how come he waved at me (with a middle finger - seriously??? HE cut ME off.)

Last weekend I shipped the kids off to grandma's house. The morning we picked them up, they woke up at 5:15am. I wanted to visit a friend after we picked them up, so we swung by. It always gives me the warm fuzzies when my kids' behavior makes someone else feel better about their life. Especially when their life involves an 8 year old Autistic son. Bryce is the sweetest kid. He is incapable of hate. Everything I have ever seen him do or say has been filled with happy. After all he has been through in his short life, he is still happy, grateful and thankful. We could all learn a lot from him. As sweet as he is, he is a handful. And that is the biggest understatement I could ever come up with. 1 Bryce is equal to 4 or 5 - 3 year olds. I may not know him that well, but I do know he will not eat grape jelly, will eat you out of house and home (it does not matter WHO'S home), and cannot handle a crying baby or screaming child. This brings me to why he spent our entire visit outside. In the rain.

I don't know why really, but my kids started screaming hysterically and acting like possesed lunatics at Cindy's house. Well, they were tired, but still....They had the biggest meltdowns I have ever seen. Ever. Even when we ran out of frozen waffles they were still semi controlled. Cindy was laughing and probably thinking that I should drug my children....or get the Hell out of her house. *sigh* But she did say that I made her feel better about her life for a minute. Im glad. Because if you look at your life, no matter how hard or trying or frustrating, no matter how much you want to run to the nearest liquor store and buy a big bottle of Grey Goose - life really isnt that bad. I have 3 beautiful children, a husband who provides for us, a roof over my head and clothes on our backs....what more could I need? (Aside from aformentioned vodka, of course.)