Sleep Required.

Today was the day from Hell. I required 4 hours of sleep to be able to function, 6 hours is ideal. * hours, well I don't know what happens after 8 hours of sleep - it never happens. Last night, I was lucky enough to get 1.5 hours of sleep. A mom on 1.5 hours of sleep + 3 kids on less than 5 hours of sleep = recipe for disaster. Let me take you back to last night.

I was sitting on the couch enjoying S'mores and a trashy book thinking to myself that it sure was nice that my kids went to bed so easily. Bill went to bed at about 11pm. I was still reading about heaving chests and throbbing members so I stayed up for a bit. Midnight. Midnight when when it all began.

Gavin and Rachel came running out of their room screaming about thunder and lightening. It was not storming. Unless they have the hearing of a dog and can hear storms that are 800 miles away, they were telling tales out of school again. I get them back in bed. 12:30 - again they come running out, this time waking Cora in the process. Great. I get them all back in bed and sit back down to read for a few more minutes. Just as I was about to go to bed, Gavin comes back out. He has to poop. He ALWAYS has to poop after he lays down. So I get him taken care off and sent back to bed. I use the facilities myself, and lock the door and head to the bedroom. Rachel comes running out again asking for Daddy. *sigh* I am starting to get very tired and very cranky. It is 1:30 at this point. I put Rachel back in bed with some stern words. Then Gavin gets up. Waking Cora up again. I sent G&R to lay down with Bill and I took the couch. As soon as I lay on the couch, Cora starts screaming. (*^(^*&%$#%^$ I go and get her. At about 3:30am I hand her off to Bill and tell him it is his turn. I am done. Of course I don't fall asleep for 2 more hours.

They were up by 7:30.

I sit Gavin and Rachel on the couch to watch Wall-E. I grabbed a pillow and a blanket and planned on catching a few minutes of sleep before Cora woke up. Gavin decides that Cora must watch the movie too and goes in and wakes her up. Another stern talking to.

Breakfast. I could hardly keep my eyes open so I knew whipping up a Florentine Omelet was out of the question (I kid. The most I cook for breakfast is frozen waffles) so I decided to share my secret Pop Tart stash that I usually save for weak PMS moments or dessert. They did nothing but crumble them all over the kitchen. Out to the living room they go. Breakfast is SO done.

I decided to take them to the grocery store. They like the store. They behave at the store. I got their clothes out and tell G&R to get dressed. Normally, it wouldn't be much of an issue, they do this themselves. Today, not so much. Im trying to scrape Pop Tart off of my kitchen floor before it hardens into a permanent fixture on the already hard-to-clean linoleum. Stern talking to #392.

We get in the car. Neither of them want to sit down to be buckled in. That should have been a big clue to me as to how the rest of the day was going to go but I was too sleep deprived to even notice.

We leave to go to the store and I realize I still have MY pajamas on. Son of a..... Go back home and change. Head back to the store.

Our grocery store has shopping carts built for 3 passengers. It has a little bench attached to the back of the cart. G&R sit on the bench, Cora gets the seat. We are in the shampoo aisle and my 3 year olds suddenly figure out physics. They realized that if they rocked their bodies back and forth in unison, they could move the cart. They could move the cart enough to knock 15 bottles of shampoo on the floor and then laugh. But this mommy is a mean mommy. She made THEM clean it up.

I was going to grab some chicken nuggets for lunch so we headed to the frozen section. G&R spotted the Kid Cuisine frozen meals. You know, the ones with the nuggets, corn, mac and cheese and a little well with pudding in it. So I spend 42 minutes microwaving them and letting them cool. I call them to the table. DO you think they ate the damn things???? Hell no. They threw the food on the floor that I had previously depoptarted.

(I have decided that I am going to eat only as much as my 3 year olds eat. The Toddler Diet. Then after a month, I could call myself Giselle and I would be having Tom Brady's baby. mmmmmm Tom Brady.......where was I? Heaving chests...wait...no.....lunch! )

I send them to the living room again. I do not tolerate food throwing.

Naptime -

What naptime?

The afternoon wasnt much better. And by the sounds I currently hear (screaming son, crying daughter, yelling husband) it looks like tonight isnt going well.

I am so tired of this behavior. I do not know what to do. I am tired of yelling. Tired of telling them that I am so angry with them I cannot speak, tired of the tantrums, the toy stealing, the hitting, the biting, the screaming, the not eating, the constant "mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom". Im just plain tired.

These children had better put me in a damn fine nursing home or I will take them out of the will!

(I kid.)

Why?

Why? If I hear "why?" one more time I am going to scream. I know screaming wont stop the flood of questions that fly out of my son's mouth but it will make me feel better. Add to the "why" the "whats". Recipe for a quick trip to the looney bin. Straight jacket required.

G - Why do we need sidewalks?
Me - to walk on.
G - why do we need to walk on them?
Me- So we stay safe and don't get hit by a car.
G- Why will the cars hit us?
Me- I don't know.
G- Why does the sidewalk stop?
Me- Because they stopped making one right here.
G- Why did they stop making it?
Me- They ran out of cement.
G- Why?
Me- Because I said so.
.............................................................
G- I want to talk to the thunder.
Me- Thunder does not have a brain and is not capable of conversation.
G - What is thunder?
Me- The clouds are rubbing together and making a sound.
G- I want to tell the thunder to eat the green part of the watermelon.
Me - Thunder does not have teeth.
G - It has big teeth.
Me- Thunder is a sound, not a being.
G - Why?
-----------------------------------------
G - Why do we eat?
Me- It helps us be healthy and grow big and strong.
G- Why do I need to grow?
Me- So you can get the flour off of the top shelf of the cupboard for me.
G- Why do you need the flour?
Me- I don't right now.
G- Why did you tell me to get it?
Me- I don't know.
G- Why do I poop?
Me- Because your body used all of the good stuff in your food and poop is the stuff you don't need.
G- Poop comes out of my butt.
Me - Yes.
G - I want it to come out of my mouth.
Me - Umm, no, that is where food goes IN.
G - Why?

*sigh*

I am now drafting plea letters to The Encyclopedia Britannica, Bill Nye the Science Guy, Mr. Wizard, a Meteorologist, Nostradamus, and Webster.

I am thankful he is curious, but give me a break a minute. Sheesh. My brain hasn't thought this hard since Calculus. I cannot wait until he is old enough for me to say, "Look it up, dear."

Rachel doesn't seem to be in the "why" stage yet. Maybe she is sitting back and soaking in all of the info I am giving Gavin and will skip over it. Or she is waiting until he is through the thick of it before she starts. I've got $200 on the latter.